Pasensya na kung dito kita susulutan. Hindi ko na kasi alam kung saan ka na. Ano ba ang hitsura mo ngayon? Lumiit ka ba o tumangkad? Tumaba o pumayat? Umitim o pumuti? Ang alala ko lang ay kahawig mo si Marvin Agustin at laging may dala ka na chocolate (toblerone lang ang naalala ko). Medyo strikta ang nanay mo pero never mo nakita mama ko. Kasi nagwowork siya at ganun din si Papa.
Di ko to sinisabi kahit kanino pero di ko alam kung mangyayari. Kahit siguro na di kita makita basta alam ko okay ka (masaya na ako). Minsan may kabaliwan din ako akalain mo gusto ko ipahanap ka sa Social Media (Instagram, Facebook you name it).
Sigurado maraming magloloko sa akin kung ginawa ko yun. Sa totoo lang natatakot ako pero sabi ko sa sarili ko. Di na lang kita hahanapin o hihintayin. Bahala na kung makikita kita o hindi. Pero isa lang sigurado, ikaw ang una nag paramdam na having a crush is worth it.
“Why it happened?”
Just this day I ended watching a Korean drama and everybody thinks it ended so sadly. In my part it ended realistically and well deserved. In fact I learned that even though we love somebody. We always ended up with the person who loves us more. It means loving a person wholeheartedly is not a guarantee it will be happy ending. After all life doesn’t have happy and perfect life it doesn’t end that way. The truth is I didn’t expect to cry in a bucket because of this unexpected ending. I cried really hard that knowing maybe someone out there, who loves you dearly and willing to fight the odds Just to be with you, even though they are not forcing you to love them back.
If I will be given a chance hopefully I will find a person who loves me more. I believe somebody out there will do that for me. A selfless person and my unsung hero even if I die in his arms he will never leave me.
“How it happened?”
This is next question after “Why it happened?” is this question “How it happened?” . In fact no matter how hard we try to to fight for someone. If that person is not willing to fight for us. It becomes nonsense and useless. After everything happened to me and endless questions about “How it happened” and “Why it happened?” occurred me a long time. Silly as it may sound you might be thinking I’m crying for a fictional story is so shallow. But I learned lot that real love truly surprises us in so many ways. The questions about “Why it happened?”and “how it happened?” there are answers remains unknown for now. You will know the answers someday may be not day. The answers will reveal when the right time comes around.
I don’t know what to write about today. I had “meh” day today and it is the same old routine. I woke up, ate breakfast for almost 12nn, ate snacks then took a bath, computer session (like what I am doing right now) , eat dinner and go to sleep. I admit and I really hate routines (the number one reason why I left my previous jobs). I can’t find the joy in routine. It is just “meh” and boring , no wondering why people loves to watch dramas and movies. So for once in a while, they will forget about their mundane lives they have.
I just wrote my “about” page or “girl the behind the blog” page rather. The page is very mundane also (nothing spectacular) . I wrote what I look like physically and the reason why I have two blogs.
You might be wondering! Why I have two blogs? Actually to be exact I have more than 2 blogs yes it is true. It shows how fickle minded I am and I am not embarrassed about that. Although some people may think that I don’t have goals and future.
I felt that for almost everyday of my life I think about it. Why ? Why people care too much? Why they care about my life? Who cares what will happen next in my life? People are so nosy that’s what I will be become.
The truth is I don’t know anything in my life. My life is like any other “meh” day and it was monotonous. Whenever I feel listless and not motivated to do anything. Sometimes I think my mind drifted somewhere else.
Sometimes I wish my mind will take me along somewhere else. A place where no one will judge, to play and pray to God.
Just today I think my instinct pushed me to go the church. I felt that something bad is bound to happen. I felt that I need to do it and stop whatever it may be. Today is the longest prayer I had. It felt good to pray and letting all your worries to the Lord. Today is a routine “meh” day. But what makes today special? It is letting my instinct to go the Lord and praise him.
When I was a kid I always love to be in front of the crowd. Although I was an ugly duckling back then, but as the time goes by I slowly learn how to be confident. Until now I can’t directly say that I am already confident. But based on my experience, it took me years before I became a bit confident. College came and I transitioned from a shy high school girl into a college girl who loves to be in front of the crowd. I started modelling (not professionally) in our school organization. Every time I face the crowd I turned into a another person. Before my stint or my turn, I always feel butterflies in my stomach and heart is pumping crazily.
Now I can say that college is over since two years ago. I can say I became depressed and sad due to post graduate blues. It was hard to find a job and my self confidence really shrink down. Then I started to be hired in different companies but it didn’t take long. I tried so many things to improve myself-English, fashion designing and currently painting (I really enjoy it).
Until just yesterday I wanted to outgrow my “princess” mentality and wanted to be a queen. I know it will take me a lot of time and effort. I was once lost in a Barangay beauty contest way back four years ago. I cried a lot and I told myself I will never be a beauty queen or join in any beauty pageants. Then I decided to join Bb. Pilipinas and I know it will be cutthroat and competitive. I asked myself “why not give it a try?” , there is nothing to lose, if I didn’t get in then it is fine (I can try again next time). If I will get in then I will do my best to make it. Then awhile ago I jogged 15 times and do cardio later afternoon. I only have 2 weeks to prepare my vital stats. I need to eat lesser than I used to consumed before. It is purely hard work, dedication and discipline. While I was jogging awhile ago, I always thinking that I’ll do everything for myself. I will do it to improve myself and I will not do it for someone else. It will be a hard journey but all I can say, win or lose this journey to be a queen of my own is worth it.